Number isn’t what’s important. What matters are volume and volume.
that still only counts as one!
i am not a video editor (currently) so y’all will have to pretend i added a little poot cloud
Ha! Good one
That is (pretty obviously) my #2 joke
A pretty solid one
Fast increases around breakfast and after evening meal, also the app they made was called ‘chart your fart’
Sorry, 2-7 times a day??? Oh no
Who the fuck farts twice a day
Jimmy Two Farts
Most people fart before taking a shit. You probably don’t think of it as a fart just because you’re on the toilet. But it is indeed a fart.
It’s two long farts.
Spanning 12 hours each
One from 7 to 9, and one for the afternoon from 19 until 21
I’m gonna reach that limit before leaving my bed in the morning.
I reached the limit while reading this comment
Some scientist is like "Jerry, you fart so much I wrote a research paper about it. "
Rookie numbers.
Episodes rose gradually from morning and reached a peak between 6 pm and 10 pm
And everyone at day jobs are grateful.
Just one, long fart per day is all you need.
I’ve told this story before recently, but somehow it seems vaguely apropos.
When I was a kid, I tried adding fried spam to mac and cheese.
As you can tell, my mom was very concerned about my diet, AKA, not at all, and she just let us do whatever the fuck we wanted to do.
So anyway, it was alright. It was not a meal I would repeat. But in addition to the fact that it was not very good, that night at three o’clock in the morning, my butthole woke me up.
This is not a normal occurrence in my life. In fact, in all of the years since then it has never happened again.
My butthole woke me up to let me know that it was about to open, and it opened, and exhaled one long continuous fart for what felt like two solid minutes.
There was no sound, it was completely silent, it did not rattle my cheeks. It was just a whoosh. Like my butthole had been waiting to exhale its entire life and finally got the opportunity.
At first I was like, why am I awake?
Then I was like, wow, this is a really long fart.
Then I was like, dear god, why has this fart not stopped yet?
Then I spent the remaining minute and 30 seconds of the longest fart in my entire life, absolutely flabbergasted that it was still happening. I wish I had shit the bed, I would be less traumatized.
That fart changed my life and not for the better.
I think moby dick might actually have been written about a fart like this.
Thank you for your contripootion.
Fart PTSD. What a concept! Glad you survived it.
PFSD
Bless you and long winded farts!
How did it smell?
It was either completely odorless, or before it was done, I was nose blind to it.
that sounds like a post-colonoscopy fart
Who knows, maybe that was the night I was abducted by aliens?
i’ve never met any aliens who were into that shit, but like most of the ones i know don’t even abduct people let alone probe them.
I believe the scientific term is ‘cropdusting’
One, long fart, you say?
I feel seen.
You want it nice and deep. A truly satisfying fart might cost you a tooth
Where is that tooth coming from. WHERE? D:
you pay the tooth fairy with the tooth to bury the fart waaaaay up there. sorry, i thought this kind of deal was common
Well. Except for No Fart November. There’s a peptide for it and everything [there isn’t].
No Fart November? Oh man, I was doing something completely different.
Sounds like you may have some sphincter trouble there. Too much olestra?
I’d love to have been a fly on the wall with the panel required to approve a flatulence study that uses an app called “Chart Your Fart”
deleted by creator
That’s just because they didn’t include me, Jimmy Fartling… They said I was an outlier and the lab hasn’t stopped smelling like cabbage
Oh, I am not ok then… I think some days I fart more than I talk…
Please stop posting my diary
Sounds like you just have a healthy protein intake. A positive nitrogen balance will cause you to fart more often
most days.
The 8th one was def my dog.
Now explain 9-16.
Let’s just say I don’t need a lot of convincing to get 8 more dogs.
Wait wait, holup…
Australia has more than 6400 people?
6401 at least!
And they’re all constantly farting?
I didn’t read the farticle this is more fun
Lies. It was self reported. I’d multiply the results by 4 at least 💩
Wtf? Do these scientists explicitly eat ultraprocessed food that becomes Portland cement in your guts and kills all the bacteria in your microbiome?
you dont need to eat ultraprocessed, just alot eggs or cauliflour or broccoli
Protein. The stink comes from protein rich in methionine and cysteine amino acids, that’s where the sulfur comes from.
Do we really need science to tell us people fart more after eating a heavy meal?