If she is saying this at this point it feels like she feels that he is neglecting her to play video games
So the line ‘While you are obviously more important to me than some silly games’ is not obvious at all, to the point where she feels like she is not important to him at all and thus worth ending the relationship over (since there is effectively no relationship)
In fact I’d argue this is a complete strawman of a meme and designed entirely just to make 1 person look bad and the other feel smug and superior 🤓
It seems like you’ve never had a partner who tries to totally monopolize your time, and treats any time not spent focused on them as neglect. I can assure you this is no straw man.
Literally sitting on the same couch with her leaning on me, I’m reading a book and she is watching tv; “I don’t feel like we spend any time together anymore.”
for some folks it means you can’t have any other hobbies/friends/interests that dont include them.
this is called co-dependency.
I had a girlfriend once who basically would not let me leave the house without her, to like even go buy milk. she was so insecure she lacked object permanence. Of course, I didn’t know this about her until we lived together. But basically after a few months we broke up because I was basically living with a toddler, and in her mind I was the abusive awful person, for thinking I could go leave the house for 5 minutes without her, and fi I wanted to like come home later and get some time alone, that was ABUSE.
Oh right, and she used to run every morning and if I was feeling sick or otherwise not up to running with her… I was ABUSING HER.
Her own parents tried to talk her down out of absurd was she was being, but she simple took that as me having manipulated her parents to my side… yeah… she was not well.
Wow that sounds like an insane relationship. I guess she only really dared being herself after you moved in together? Hopefully you managed to get out without too many scars on your soul.
We were both each other’s first serious partner, we had no clue what we were doing. We just loved each other and thought that was all that mattered. It was 15 years ago so it’s pretty much an afterthought. I had worse partners since her who were not just ignorant, but straight up malicious and manipulative.
My partner sometimes mentions spending more time together. I want it to be more quality time though and not just sat watching brainrot reality TV.
At least that isn’t all she watches, there are some things she likes that I do enjoy watching together. But when she finds a few new reality TV things and watches that I will just go and do something else.
You might have some neurodivergence. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive-Moderate) and I recognise this situation.
You are happy and fulfilled by ‘parallel play’ where you are with someone but you are each doing your own thing.
It sounds like your partner is asking for dedicated quality time. With active interaction.
So here’s what you do: Buy LEGO.
Nothing major (at first). The Botanical sets are lovely. Then you pick an evening, put on some background music and sit across from each other building your own set and talking about stupid garbage.
Once you’re done, order some food in and cuddle on the couch with a comfy movie. (WALL-E, Spirited Away, Hot Fuzz. Something like that).
Maybe, if you’re a giga-chad, you sneak some fancy dessert into the house earlier in the day.
My ex wife did this. Also, didnt allow me to go to bed until she was ready, which meant that I’d be going to bed at 2 am every night, which is terrible when you have to wake up at 4 to be at work by 5:30 every morning.
Suffice to say in reality there would be context to indicate who in that partnership would be the unreasonable one. As presented, no way to know if he gamed once in a while and she is annoyed because she is disdainful of the activity, or if he is marathon gaming and never engaging with her.
I’ve personally had a girlfriend criticize my video game playing. While she was on vacation. In the first month of dating her. She was saying that playing video games was immature and that I really should only play video games to spend time with my nephew. This meme resonated with me because it reminded me to respect myself and my hobbies even if I get shamed for it by women.
Yep. I don’t understand why people can’t admit this stuff. Some people, many of them women, have an irrational negative view of video games, based on stigmatic beliefs that are objectively untrue.
See and I took it as the same neurospicy toxic culture that seems to be growing from all these young men that are just generally immature and angry.
Though god forbid you highlight that because many of them will rail back because they have all the time in the world because they’re all losers and some of them are mods and will delete your comments anyways.
Its about at least one partner being terrible at communicating their actual wants and needs and boundaries… then growing resentful… then issuing a total ultimatum.
A scenario like this can only happen if at least one person is terrible at telling their partner want they want and need and expect out of the relationship, out of the other person.
It can be that both are terrible at communicating, but it has to be at least one, the ultimatum issuer.
You’re right - it may feel obvious to him but not her. But saying “sometimes I feel neglected, let’s figure out how to fix that” is much healthier than saying “stop or I’ll leave”
Other people, with different personalities and experiences, might assume different things.
You could also assume that she’d never directly brought it up to him before.
Maybe she vaguely hinted at something… and he didn’t really know what she meant, because she was vague.
Or maybe she did directly bring it up, and they then agreed to a new paradigm, and then she realized she was still unhappy despite both of them following the guidelines they agreed on.
Or, maybe he just bought the thing and is setting it up for the first time.
Or you could assume a porcelain teapot is orbiting Mercury, we just haven’t seen it yet.
Its s really bad idea to invent context that doesn’t exist about a complex social situation that you’ve only seen a tiny snapshot of. Because you’re just making things up at that point, and then judging people based on things you made up about them.
I’ve had women bring this up to me. I was not neglecting them. They simple HATED video games and thought they were awful and terrible. They were a ‘waste of time’. Meanwhile her scrolling on her phone hours a day is not.
Often it’s because the other person is insecure and controlling and has double standards.
It is a strawman but giving an ultimatum is also a nuclear option in a relationship and it’s over when the other person said “it’s me or…”, that is the last argument of a failed relationship. Does the first person have an unhealthy habit that they are unwilling to change, possibly, but if you’re trying to change someone to fit your wants and needs then you’re not ever going to be in a healthy relationship.
Maybe you or they change or develop a new habit during along relationship, well then everyone has communicate in a healthy manner and then there’s possiblity of breaking off the relationship.
But I’ve seen this scenario more than once where the partner went straight for the ultimatum and the obvious defense to me would be to not engage or deflect because that’s a Kobayashi Maru.
I personally know a fair number of guys that have had nearly this exact interchange.
With the addition of… after the ‘well im displeased by the ultimatum, that you would do that’… then the woman begins screaming and becomes physically violent, destroying property, assault, etc.
Roughly 2/3 as many men are victims of female domestic violence as women are victims men.
Even reasonable needs typically only go straight to an ultimatum when the person giving it understands on some level that it’s not something the other person will give easily or happily.
For example my ex decided polyamory wasn’t working for her, but I thrived in it in a way I hadn’t in monogamy. I can’t imagine she didn’t understand on some level that it was an irreconcilable difference.
The meme is a bit wordy, but uh no, plently of people in relationships are not great at communicating, setting clear expectations and boundaries…
But issuing an ultimatum is a power move, that if acquiesed to, sets a precedent where that can be done for anything. This is antithetical to a relationship where each person respects the other one. After an ultimatum like this, such mutual respect is impossible going forward.
The only correct choice, for both people, is that if an ultimatum like this is issued, or one person genuinely thinks they have no other option?
If she is saying this at this point it feels like she feels that he is neglecting her to play video games
So the line ‘While you are obviously more important to me than some silly games’ is not obvious at all, to the point where she feels like she is not important to him at all and thus worth ending the relationship over (since there is effectively no relationship)
In fact I’d argue this is a complete strawman of a meme and designed entirely just to make 1 person look bad and the other feel smug and superior 🤓
In an otherwise healthy relationship, sure. That’s not the scenario the meme is painting though
It seems like you’ve never had a partner who tries to totally monopolize your time, and treats any time not spent focused on them as neglect. I can assure you this is no straw man.
Literally sitting on the same couch with her leaning on me, I’m reading a book and she is watching tv; “I don’t feel like we spend any time together anymore.”
I reckon people have different opinions on “what spending time together” entails - ranging from
for some folks it means you can’t have any other hobbies/friends/interests that dont include them.
this is called co-dependency.
I had a girlfriend once who basically would not let me leave the house without her, to like even go buy milk. she was so insecure she lacked object permanence. Of course, I didn’t know this about her until we lived together. But basically after a few months we broke up because I was basically living with a toddler, and in her mind I was the abusive awful person, for thinking I could go leave the house for 5 minutes without her, and fi I wanted to like come home later and get some time alone, that was ABUSE.
Oh right, and she used to run every morning and if I was feeling sick or otherwise not up to running with her… I was ABUSING HER.
Her own parents tried to talk her down out of absurd was she was being, but she simple took that as me having manipulated her parents to my side… yeah… she was not well.
Wow that sounds like an insane relationship. I guess she only really dared being herself after you moved in together? Hopefully you managed to get out without too many scars on your soul.
We were both each other’s first serious partner, we had no clue what we were doing. We just loved each other and thought that was all that mattered. It was 15 years ago so it’s pretty much an afterthought. I had worse partners since her who were not just ignorant, but straight up malicious and manipulative.
My partner sometimes mentions spending more time together. I want it to be more quality time though and not just sat watching brainrot reality TV.
At least that isn’t all she watches, there are some things she likes that I do enjoy watching together. But when she finds a few new reality TV things and watches that I will just go and do something else.
been in that relationship where ‘time together’ is ‘do shit that i like, that you hate’.
But never the other way around. Bad relationship.
People have different opinions and views of this.
If you can’t clearly communicate to your partner what your definition is? What your needs and boundaries are?
You are too immature to be in a relationship.
There are waaaaaay too many gray areas… people are different, in many little ways.
You cannot rely on the non existent mind reading capabilities of your partner, you have to use your words.
So!
You might have some neurodivergence. I was diagnosed with ADHD (Inattentive-Moderate) and I recognise this situation.
You are happy and fulfilled by ‘parallel play’ where you are with someone but you are each doing your own thing.
It sounds like your partner is asking for dedicated quality time. With active interaction.
So here’s what you do: Buy LEGO.
Nothing major (at first). The Botanical sets are lovely. Then you pick an evening, put on some background music and sit across from each other building your own set and talking about stupid garbage.
Once you’re done, order some food in and cuddle on the couch with a comfy movie. (WALL-E, Spirited Away, Hot Fuzz. Something like that).
Maybe, if you’re a giga-chad, you sneak some fancy dessert into the house earlier in the day.
Or… the partner could use their words, and describe, clearly, what qualifies as ‘spending time together’.
Maybe they could do as you’ve done, and suggest some particular activities, that they would enjoy.
No one in a two party relationship needs to be neurodivergent… for two people to have different attachment styles, love languages, etc.
Also, is it up to member one of the relationship to… figure out what member two … wants?
Why is member two not responsible for understanding themself to the point they can describe what they want in a meaningfully precise way?
Is… member two… cognitively impaired?
Too shy to … communicate?
Then they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
My ex wife did this. Also, didnt allow me to go to bed until she was ready, which meant that I’d be going to bed at 2 am every night, which is terrible when you have to wake up at 4 to be at work by 5:30 every morning.
Suffice to say in reality there would be context to indicate who in that partnership would be the unreasonable one. As presented, no way to know if he gamed once in a while and she is annoyed because she is disdainful of the activity, or if he is marathon gaming and never engaging with her.
Ok, well then the partner whose time is being monopolized has agency and probably should have ended the relationship before this conversation
Easier said than done sometimes.
Definitely. Relationships are hard
I’ve personally had a girlfriend criticize my video game playing. While she was on vacation. In the first month of dating her. She was saying that playing video games was immature and that I really should only play video games to spend time with my nephew. This meme resonated with me because it reminded me to respect myself and my hobbies even if I get shamed for it by women.
Believe it or not, women can be toxic too.
Narcissist.
She needs to monopolize your attention, even when it really doesn’t make any direct sense for that to be happening.
Its how narcissists ‘do’ relationships, they groom you into only being allowed to enjoy paying attention to and recieving attention from them.
You being able to spend or recieve attention from others is a threat to them.
Hope you ran for the hills.
Yep. I don’t understand why people can’t admit this stuff. Some people, many of them women, have an irrational negative view of video games, based on stigmatic beliefs that are objectively untrue.
Take memes seriously and get into arguments on the internet!
That is quite literally 90% of what I’m here for.
I took it as a non serious joke riffing of a common meme.
See and I took it as the same neurospicy toxic culture that seems to be growing from all these young men that are just generally immature and angry.
Though god forbid you highlight that because many of them will rail back because they have all the time in the world because they’re all losers and some of them are mods and will delete your comments anyways.
Yeah you had me in the first half but went off the rails there
Literally none of this is about neurodivergece.
Its about at least one partner being terrible at communicating their actual wants and needs and boundaries… then growing resentful… then issuing a total ultimatum.
A scenario like this can only happen if at least one person is terrible at telling their partner want they want and need and expect out of the relationship, out of the other person.
It can be that both are terrible at communicating, but it has to be at least one, the ultimatum issuer.
You’re right - it may feel obvious to him but not her. But saying “sometimes I feel neglected, let’s figure out how to fix that” is much healthier than saying “stop or I’ll leave”
One would assume, since the guy in this case couldn’t hear the message at all, that the guy didn’t hear the prior attempts to be more nuanced.
No.
You might assume that.
Other people, with different personalities and experiences, might assume different things.
You could also assume that she’d never directly brought it up to him before.
Maybe she vaguely hinted at something… and he didn’t really know what she meant, because she was vague.
Or maybe she did directly bring it up, and they then agreed to a new paradigm, and then she realized she was still unhappy despite both of them following the guidelines they agreed on.
Or, maybe he just bought the thing and is setting it up for the first time.
Or you could assume a porcelain teapot is orbiting Mercury, we just haven’t seen it yet.
Its s really bad idea to invent context that doesn’t exist about a complex social situation that you’ve only seen a tiny snapshot of. Because you’re just making things up at that point, and then judging people based on things you made up about them.
No, it’s not.
I’ve had women bring this up to me. I was not neglecting them. They simple HATED video games and thought they were awful and terrible. They were a ‘waste of time’. Meanwhile her scrolling on her phone hours a day is not.
Often it’s because the other person is insecure and controlling and has double standards.
It is a strawman but giving an ultimatum is also a nuclear option in a relationship and it’s over when the other person said “it’s me or…”, that is the last argument of a failed relationship. Does the first person have an unhealthy habit that they are unwilling to change, possibly, but if you’re trying to change someone to fit your wants and needs then you’re not ever going to be in a healthy relationship.
Maybe you or they change or develop a new habit during along relationship, well then everyone has communicate in a healthy manner and then there’s possiblity of breaking off the relationship.
But I’ve seen this scenario more than once where the partner went straight for the ultimatum and the obvious defense to me would be to not engage or deflect because that’s a Kobayashi Maru.
Its not a strawman.
I personally know a fair number of guys that have had nearly this exact interchange.
With the addition of… after the ‘well im displeased by the ultimatum, that you would do that’… then the woman begins screaming and becomes physically violent, destroying property, assault, etc.
Roughly 2/3 as many men are victims of female domestic violence as women are victims men.
Its… pretty common actually.
Even reasonable needs typically only go straight to an ultimatum when the person giving it understands on some level that it’s not something the other person will give easily or happily.
For example my ex decided polyamory wasn’t working for her, but I thrived in it in a way I hadn’t in monogamy. I can’t imagine she didn’t understand on some level that it was an irreconcilable difference.
The meme is a bit wordy, but uh no, plently of people in relationships are not great at communicating, setting clear expectations and boundaries…
But issuing an ultimatum is a power move, that if acquiesed to, sets a precedent where that can be done for anything. This is antithetical to a relationship where each person respects the other one. After an ultimatum like this, such mutual respect is impossible going forward.
The only correct choice, for both people, is that if an ultimatum like this is issued, or one person genuinely thinks they have no other option?
You two are done.
You do not work as a couple, wrap it up.
Does it change anything at all that it’s just a meme and not a real description of life?
Does that change anything at all for you?